There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
