Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
