u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can you bring me the toilet please
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
