You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
