I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
