genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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