So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
my poor anus
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