I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
