how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
