Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize