I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
