Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
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just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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