you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
