problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
