Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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