Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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