I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
