Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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