If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
