Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
