He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
