i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.