I love black thongs
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day