she was so not down for the gang bang
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
