i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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