Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
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Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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