my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
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You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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