she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
