dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
