All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
