I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
