If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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