i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
