I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
