Your dad touched me again.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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