is wine microwaveable?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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