do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
