You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
