My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
