She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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