If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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