Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You took a bar mat shot.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
