I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
