i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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