he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
