Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
