That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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