when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
