The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Even my vagina gasped.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
