I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
tell me about the fingering
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
