gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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