matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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