god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
your room smells of hookers.
And success
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
