So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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