The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can I color on your dick again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
