He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
